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evidence that mrs rupert* is the devil
mrs. rupert is satan. i know it. here's the evidence my friend benes* and i collected:
note: it sucks to say this, because i quite like this section of the page, but i dont really believe she is satan. she is actually quite nice. this sucks. arthe. she is extremely evil, though, when it comes to not letting me play nelly furtado's cd in class.
THESE ARE ALL TRUE
1. she has a 6th sense. every time someone speaks about her, she eerily materialises.
ever heard of the expression 'speak of the devil'?...
2. she has no children. in the movie 'dogma', we learn that angels and demons do not have reproductive organs. therefore, she cannot have children.
3. she loves poems about sex or death... (what else is the devil about)
4. she sometimes turns all the fans on at full blast. i do not just mean the ceiling fans; she also has one of those little plastic fans that rotate, and a paper fan. it is never even that hot when she performs this little evil ritual. in 'dogma', the character azazel (jason lee) says, "central air is the greatest gift to us demons."
5. she sometimes growls. this can be confirmed by anyone in her class.
6. she has a devilish accent. she says, 'veddy' instead of 'very', for instance. maybe all that growling (and eating children and small furry animals, of course) is screwing up her throat.
7. once, bris (my brother) and his class were going to the library, for a library period. mrs. rupert was the last to leave the classroom, and when the kids got there, she was already in there, waiting for them. what the hell is up with that?
8. once benes was doing his homework, and he said aloud 'man, i hate mrs. rupert.' he swears that at that moment, immediately, all the lights in his room went out. and it was not an 'apagão', because the rest of the lights in the house did not faulter.
9. she has an eerie preference to the word 'inferno'.
10. once my brother bris said hte word 'jesus' in class, and satan started telling him off. she cannot stand to hear the name of her arch-enemy.
11. she is cheap. once benes chucked one of her potted plants out the window, and she recovered it! how expensive can it be to buy a new plant! this happened twice (on the second time, someone chucked all of the plants out)
12. she likes boiled eggs. in the movie 'angel heart' the character of satan, played by robert deniro, says 'did you know that in some cultures, the egg is the symbol of the soul?' he then proceeds to greedily devour one, and say 'would you like an egg?'. when benes and i asked mrs. rupert if she liked boiled eggs, she said 'oh, yeees!' with evilicious enthusiasm.
13. all her marking references are carbon-based. she says work can be compared to wood, coal, diamond etc... those are all carbon-based materials. a carbon atom has 6 protons, 6 neutrons and 6 electrons - 666 is the number of the devil, and, therefore, carbon is the element of the devil.
14. satan is a woman, according to www.churchofsatan.org. so is mrs. rupert (supposedly)
15. she is not a fan of christmas! who doesn't like christmas? satan, that's who. why? because it is the celebration of the birthday of her arch-enemy, the late jc.
16. she hates music.
17. since the year 2000, the crime rate in são paulo increased. guess when mrs. rupert came to brazil? no, not 1947... it was in 2000.
18. once i was in french class and we were listening to some biblical music (don't ask...). suddenly, mrs. rupert burst into the classroom, looking evil and mad. what the hell? you can't deny it. she heard the biblical music and got all pissed off... why? it wasn't to loud, or anything...
the seven capital sins
greed - she refuses to buy new plants or plant pots
gluttony - just look at her
pride - she has highlights in her hair. she claims they are natural, in which case... jesus! what the hell?! natural highlights???
sloth - just look at her... she obviously does not exercise.
lust - i do not know her that well (thank the lord)
envy - she just is. this is supposed to be convincing. don't complicate things.
wrath - just watch her diss me in class
if you can think of any further evidence, please email me at danny_p_weber@hotmail.com